Astral Asks: The Best Friend Dilemma

My unexpected advice to a client who's jealous of her friend's birth chart

Hi, I'm Juliana, a full-time Vedic astrologer. Subscribe for free to receive my monthly astrology forecasts and calendars. Upgrade to a paid subscription to receive all of my articles, including personalized astrology guides, my Pluto return video presentation, and more!

Click subscribe now to join our community!

Welcome to the second installment of my Astral Asks column!

This new feature is based on the questions that I regularly receive in my work as a professional astrologer. It's a chance to share the softer, more personal part of my work with you. In the next several months, we'll tackle relationship drama, family problems, money issues, and more!

Today, I'm answering a tough friendship question that I got from a client (shared with permission and edited to be anonymous):

Dear Juliana,

I'm a college student who is majoring in creative writing. A couple of weeks ago, my best friend and I were using an online tool to make our birth charts. We don't know much about astrology, so we were mostly just having fun—at least, we were at first.

But then we noticed that my best friend has four exalted planets in her chart: the Sun, Mars, Jupiter, and Venus. I don't have any exalted planets. In fact, my Sun is debilitated. We did some research, and we saw that this is really good for my friend because the Sun can be associated with fame and success, Mars is energy, Jupiter is fortune, and Venus represents art and beauty. So, my friend's chart shows that she could become a famous writer someday, but mine doesn't. In fact, since I have a bad Sun, I'm probably never going to be good at anything.

I tried to forget about our charts and move on with my life, but my friend keeps bringing it up. She does it in a joking way, saying things like, "I guess the universe just likes me better," and "Maybe you can be my personal assistant when I'm famous."

I pretend not to care, but I'm actually really upset. It doesn't help that my friend is very much the star of the creative writing department. She's won a couple of awards, and the professors always use her stories as examples to the rest of us in class.

I know that my best friend sounds really egotistic here, and you'll probably say that I should stop spending time with her, but she's actually much better than she sounds. She does have a good side; she has a great sense of humor, she’s fun to spend time with, and sometimes she even helps me by editing my own stories.

But I've always been a little jealous of her, and since we looked at our charts, it's gotten so much worse. I keep thinking about how, without any exalted planets, I won't become a successful author. Since I can't stand the thought of failing while my friend succeeds, I'm beginning to think I should switch majors. Do you think this is a good idea?

Sincerely,

Debilitated with Jealousy

Dear Debilitated with Jealousy,

I'm really sorry to hear that your best friend is treating you like this. I know that you said she has some positive qualities, but her behavior at the moment is rude, inconsiderate, and hurtful. She knows (or she should know) that her comments are not okay.

It sounds like this friendship matters a lot to you, and it's no wonder that her behavior is making you question your major and future plans. Hopefully, I can make you feel a little better by giving you some astrological insight into both of your birth charts.

Since you said that you're a beginning astrologer, it probably won't surprise you to hear that your analysis of your two birth charts is somewhat simplistic and misguided.

You and your friend are both confused about the meaning of exalted and debilitated planets. Some people do say that exalted planets are always good, and debilitated planets are always bad. However I—and many other professional astrologers—have a more nuanced view of this topic.

Based on my years of experience, I have come to see that when a planet is placed in its sign of exaltation, it becomes stronger. When a planet is in its sign of debilitation, it will become weaker. This can be a good or a bad thing, depending on the nature of the planet, its placement, and many other factors.

Let's use an example to explain what I mean. The Sun is associated with fame, leadership, authority, and power. It also represents our soul, self, and ego. A well-placed Sun can indicate that a person is an assertive, charismatic individual who has the potential to become famous or act as a good leader. However, if the Sun is too strong, the person might become overly prideful, aggressive, and egotistical. They might focus on themselves to the detriment of others.

Since I don't have your best friend's full birth chart, I can't provide a complete analysis of the impact of her exalted Sun (and I wouldn't do this without her permission anyway). But, I can say that generally, people with a strong Sun can be magnetic and charismatic, but also might have some difficulty considering and honoring other people's feelings.

Thus, a very strong, exalted Sun is not always unequivocally beneficial. If you think about how the Sun impacts us on a daily basis, you can understand why this is true. The Sun's rays on a mildly warm day are soothing and enjoyable. But a blazing Sun on an extremely hot day can be fierce, cruel, and unbearable.

Having an exalted Mars, Venus, and Jupiter can have similarly mixed results. A strong Mars can make a person brave and energetic, but also potentially cruel, thoughtless, and inconsiderate. Similarly, someone with an exalted Venus could be artistic, charming, and talented, but also self-centered and superficial. Someone with an exalted Jupiter may be popular and well-educated, but also intemperate, overly sentimental, and entitled.

Thus, people with many exalted planets are not guaranteed to become famous or successful. They usually will have strong natural gifts, interests, and goals. But these powerful parts of their personality can cause them to offend people, make rash decisions, and engage in other behaviors that can hold them back. These people usually need to work on balancing their strong personalities with the needs of those around them.

Similarly, debilitated planets, like your Sun, are not always unequivocally bad. A weak Sun can indicate that a person has difficulty asserting themselves, feels jealous of others, and struggles to gain recognition. From your letter, I can tell that some of these issues probably resonate with you.

But, on the other hand, a person with a less powerful Sun might be more able to compromise, put other people first, and work collaboratively with others. Your ability to stay close to your friend—despite her strong personality—tells me that you have some of these positive traits.

And these qualities could certainly help you become a successful writer. A professional author isn't always required to be assertive and forceful; you'll also need to get along with other authors, work with editors, and engage in a positive way with your readers. So, having a less powerful Sun doesn't in any way prevent you from becoming a writer.

I would advise you to stick with your creative writing major and see if you can work on improving your confidence. You may want to try to be creative without being in direct competition with your best friend. Perhaps you could find a creative writing club on campus that she's not a part of, or find another student who could edit your work for you. You might have an easier time feeling confident in your own work if you don't have to compare yourself to her.

I understand why this relationship is very important to you, so I wouldn't advise you to immediately stop spending time with her. But I do think it's a good idea to talk to her about your feelings. Even though it might be difficult to do this, you should tell her that her comments about your birth charts are hurtful, and she should stop talking to you like that.

After that, you should see if she acts differently. While you should give her a chance to change, if she continues to talk to you in such a disrespectful way, I would think about ending the friendship. Even if she's fun and charming, she is not a true best friend if she continues to treat you like that.

I hope that getting a fuller understanding of exalted and debilitated planets makes you feel more confident in your creativity and your potential as a writer. We all have our challenges. If you and your friend are able to work through this disagreement, you could strengthen your relationship and grow as people.

Good luck and keep writing!

Juliana

Thanks so much for continuing to give me an opportunity to try something different! As a professional astrologer, I have seen so many of my clients and students become envious or upset when they study other people's birth charts.

I do enjoy writing this column, and I am hopeful that my advice resonates with anyone who's ever looked at someone else's chart and felt jealous of their planetary combinations.

If you are enjoying my advice and would like me to keep writing this column, please let me know by liking this post or leaving a comment!

Many of my followers have asked me to include a Buy Me a Coffee button in my articles so that they can offer support and appreciation without having to commit to a paid subscription. So to all of you, thanks so much, and here’s the button!

Please note that this and all my other forecasts are based on the sidereal zodiac used in both Vedic and Western sidereal astrology, not the tropical system used by most Western and a small number of Vedic astrologers. All the astrological charts that I work with and share are calculated according to the sidereal zodiac and Lahiri Ayanamsa.